Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Bits and Bobs

Before I get into the meat of this post, it occurs to me that I have something I should've said before. Grandpa and I were in disguise mostly because he was trying to hide, but now that he's come out with who he really is, I feel like I should be doing the same. I don't know that Grandpa would approve, but for the moment he's left me in charge of the blog and so I'm the one who has to make these sorts of decisions.

Some of you who are clever have probably figured out my identity, much like how many of you figured out who Grandpa was before he outed himself. Fracture made a note that I was last known to be with Grandpa almost a year ago. You all know Elizabeth is a pseudonym, one that I'm not overly fond of. I would have preferred to call myself Susan, after the Doctor's granddaughter who adventured with him for the first season or so of the First Doctor's run. There's no accounting for other people's proclivities, however, and I ended up with Elizabeth as a false name, and I admit to be a bit relieved to drop it and go back to Emily, my real name.  Back to business, however. I doubt any of you really care that much about who I really am. I doubt anyone even reads the old blogs to know who I am, beyond being David's adopted granddaughter.

After the visit I detailed in my last post, Jessica got a little more creative. Her assistant's post mentions that she's started leaving body parts scattered about, starting very dramatically with a spine left on the doorstep along with a note that looked like it was finger painted with blood that read 'Since you lost yours'. I guess she thought she was being clever or something? It wasn't clever, nor was it particularly potent as an insult. When Grandpa found it, he was mostly just bemused. We moved around a few times, but at this point it hardly seems worth the trouble if she's just going to find us and leave more kidneys or eyeballs or testes on our doorstep. At one point she left an entire head, on which she'd placed a hat that seemed to be made of intestines, but that was about the highlight of the corpse bits.

Unfortunately, her other idea was a bit less comic and a bit more effective. Well, I say effective in the sense that Grandpa was frustrated, less so in trying to actually get him to do what she wanted him to do. She showed up with a boombox blaring Kesha songs one night, probably because she knew that music is always an very effective way of getting Grandpa's attention. Grandpa went out to speak to her, and I listened from the window, since he doesn't like me going out and talking to her. Apparently it was the anniversary of a very important date for the two of them, from back when Grandpa was working for the Mob and still spent time with Jessica. Eighteen years ago that day, they'd

Ugh. I don't like thinking about it, he's my Grandpa. And she's just gross. But in the interest of honest reporting, apparently eighteen years ago Grandpa had been trying really hard to sleep with her. Jess didn't want to, though whether because she wasn't interested, because she wanted to mess with his head, or because it was a Tuesday, I'm not sure. In any event, apparently Jess was the one person in the world he didn't want to rape at the time, so he agreed to give her a kidney for her to eat in exchange for sex. You read that right. He gave up one of his own kidneys because he wanted it that badly.

Despite the dubiousness of that choice, it happened. And Jess reminded him quite gleefully of the anniversary, then told him that if he could stop her from taking the other one by force, she would let him sleep with her again. Grandpa was not interested, presumably because his taste in partners has improved a bit to not include psychotic cannibals. She attacked him anyway, and I was surprised by how good a fighter she was. Grandpa still won, of course, but she did manage to slice him up a fair bit. He refused to sleep with her and told her to just go away, which she actually did after only a bit more protesting.

Afterward, we manged to get him patched up and packed up to leave again. Grandpa's trying to rest up and recover for the moment, and mostly we're just hoping to avoid any further body parts for a while.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Quiet Spell

They say that no news is good news, and I wish I could tell you that it's true. On the one hand, Grandpa and I are just fine. Ryan is... well, he's still about the same. None of us have been injured in any substantial way. But that doesn't  mean things have gone smoothly. Far from it, actually.

 It all started almost two months ago, with a simple knock on the door. Grandpa had ordered Chinese, so neither of us were particularly suspicious when he opened it. I was in the other room, in fact, and I didn't even know there was anything strange going on until it had been a few minutes and he hadn't come back with the food.

When I approached, I was very confused. Instead of Grandpa talking to a delivery person, he was having a heated discussion with a ragged looking blonde woman. She looked homeless, honestly, but by the sound of it she definitely knew Grandpa. She was asking him to 'come back', to 'let David Banks out to play'. Grandpa introduced her as Jessica, and I now know her to be the woman from this blog. You probably won't be surprised to find out she's just as irrational in person. Annoyingly she insisted on calling me 'veal', presumably as an extension of her loud obsession with cannibalism. Grandpa was not exactly pleased that I came out to talk to her, but didn't try to get me to go back inside right away.

I got to hear her rambling, Grandpa's frustration and confusion, and the almost sitcommish ridiculosity of the situation. They were once close, Grandpa admitted to me sheepishly. Closer than I'd like to think about my Grandpa being with anyone. She made all kinds of ridiculous threats and suggestions, Grandpa countered all of them wearily, and it went on like that for a while, with me mostly just watching. At some point, though, Jessica got a bit too curious about me, and Grandpa made me go back inside. I got busy packing, so I don't know what happened next, but I know that when Grandpa came in a few minutes later we left almost immediately afterward.

Things have only gotten crazier since.