That I've been dating someone.
Fracture, specifically.
Our history has been long and complicated, and included several death threats on my part and a fairly impressive bounty demanding that I only be brought in dead on his.
Not that any of that was really personal. When we first met, we were enemies and he was after my granddaughter. Even then, I'd like to think there was some professional respect on both sides.
Of course then he started yelling at me and dredging up vey personal things and naming me a sage.
and.... that made me like him more?
I suppose I understand why some people consider me confusing.
Despite all this he understands me more than anyone else living. And I'm happier than I have been since my husband died.
So I suppose that's worth something.
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Monday, March 9, 2015
Ryan isn't like me
He's a good guy. And I respect that. I don't really know when morality became something I considered anything other than a weakness, but here I am.
The truth is, this sort of life warps you. Good takes on an entirely different meaning to the point that even those that go against great evil are only 'good enough'. It is a way to drain Light, I suppose. Create decisions in which there are no clean answers. Watch your enemies damn themselves with their own choices.
It has gotten to the point that I don't even know how to relate to decent people.
I should have seen it coming. Ryan was lucid, and stayed such after we got Em away from Jess. But there was a look in his eye, something just beneath the surface that told me he was thinking of something.
He finally did tell me. He objected to my behavior in rescuing Em. He objected to my use of Maggot as a distraction. He objected to my association with Jess in the first place, and what I did to her bodyguard.
There was a lot of objecting is what I'm getting at.
After a long and arduous conversation, he looked up at me with these big hopeless eyes.
"You're not a good person are you?"
"No. But I'm trying. Doesn't that count for something?"
"Not as much as you'd think."
He stood up then, and grabbed his suitcase. We move so often I didn't even find it strange he had it with him.
He had barely made it out the door before he collapsed.
I went to check on him, and he was gone again. Mind blank, barely breathing.
I guess someone didn't want him to leave.
The truth is, this sort of life warps you. Good takes on an entirely different meaning to the point that even those that go against great evil are only 'good enough'. It is a way to drain Light, I suppose. Create decisions in which there are no clean answers. Watch your enemies damn themselves with their own choices.
It has gotten to the point that I don't even know how to relate to decent people.
I should have seen it coming. Ryan was lucid, and stayed such after we got Em away from Jess. But there was a look in his eye, something just beneath the surface that told me he was thinking of something.
He finally did tell me. He objected to my behavior in rescuing Em. He objected to my use of Maggot as a distraction. He objected to my association with Jess in the first place, and what I did to her bodyguard.
There was a lot of objecting is what I'm getting at.
After a long and arduous conversation, he looked up at me with these big hopeless eyes.
"You're not a good person are you?"
"No. But I'm trying. Doesn't that count for something?"
"Not as much as you'd think."
He stood up then, and grabbed his suitcase. We move so often I didn't even find it strange he had it with him.
He had barely made it out the door before he collapsed.
I went to check on him, and he was gone again. Mind blank, barely breathing.
I guess someone didn't want him to leave.
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