Travelling can be difficult

Especially when you are travelling with two people who hate each other.

I thought that the fact I was travelling with a child would be the main thing to slow me down, but petty arguments seem to be what's really stopping everything. One day we'll all be so loud we won't hear the knives enter our backs.

It's times like this that I feel lost. I have always considered myself a pretty centered person, but that was probably because I always had an order to follow. Some outside force holding me together. Right now not only am I without guidance, but I am expected to be that force for others. And all I want to do is go back.

Which I won't. You can put your sword down. But it is very tempting sometimes.

Is it weird that I prefer screaming over yelling?

Elizabeth hates me at the moment

And she hates Ryan at any moment.

And Ryan hates her.

There is very little love going on around here.

Also I feel like I've broken my 'no diary' rule. Which I am going to try and keep to. But there are some things that once the door is open can't be stopped. Let's hope nothing embarrassing and/or deadly comes out here. That would be really stupid.

I've been having nightmares

Not that I'm not used to nightmares. They've always been far more common than dreams for me. But there was a point of time when they weren't that bad. I didn't think much of it back then of course. But now I wonder.

It's possible that he was holding the dreams back. It makes a certain sort of sense. I would be more used to him if I got a full night's sleep.

Of course now that I've left, I am afforded no such luxuries. He has been sending me terrors instead of sparing me from them. It's a rather sound military tactic.

I think it's working.

Ryan makes Elizabeth sleep as far as possible from me. He knows that if she hears me screaming she'll want to help, and her getting no sleep helps none of us.

I still hardly like him, but I owe him that much.

We need to get moving again, but I am in no shape to travel.

I hate being the one who slows us down.

There have been many questions asked

and I've answered very few of them. I feel like that is cause for an apology, but the truth is I'm not all that sorry about it. My secrets are my own, and I don't feel obligated to share them with strangers.

Of course, that leads you to not trusting me. Which ends up defeating this particular exercise. Now I don't need implicit trust. I'd find you a moron if you gave it. But a willingness to listen to me in good faith that I mean well is needed.

So, while I am rather firm on not talking much about who I am, I will tell you why I'm here. Enter another theory into fray:

The Light Theory

A lot of people worry about the How. How does the slender man appear and reappear, how do loops work, how can we defeat him. These are all very good questions. But I've always been more interested in the why.

Why does he go after some and not others? There is occasionally a childhood link, but not always. And he certainly doesn't go after every child with this sort of obsessive attitude. So what is it that makes those in this world so attractive to him?

My theory is that he goes after people who could make a difference.

Elizabeth for instance. She is one of the most remarkable people I've met. When I look at her, I can see everything she could in the future. All of the things she could do to make the world better. I imagine that's why he goes after them young. They are so full of potential then. So full of light.

Perhaps you've noticed how resourceful runners are. Or intelligent or just so stubborn that it's a bit worthy of awe. You are the world builders, the peacemakers.

And the slender man is hunting you down one by one.

The insanity loss, the deaths, the constant running from psychotics who may or may not have been just like you at one point. It's a way to wear you down. To dull your light.

And that is why I am here. To slow down the decay of those that could benefit the world. The unofficial guardian of hope and potential. I don't particularly believe I am the best person for the job, but it's something to do. A way to help.

And who knows, maybe if I do this I'll get my own light back.